• 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards Nominations — go, Johnny Drama, go! I hope that “Dick in a Box” wins its category; it was better than the Scrubs song about the poo.
  

• SIGG bottles (via ljc fyi) — very elegant designs, any number of which would be delightful for my seriously messy workspace

• Save a Woman (And Her Dating Life) From Herself — seems thematic lately for various girlfriends

• Curls, Split! Ringlets, Be Gone! — Another elaborate, expensive semi-permanent hair straightening method is in salons. And yet, I still don’t have a product that actually keeps curls big, lively and frizz-free in oodles of humidity.
  

• The Pisher Kings — Gretchen Mol/Colin Farrell disease striking again for young LeBeouf?
  

• Bill & Hillary Clinton have never felt shame — nice photo

• Learn to live in a small space — My new apartment is significantly smaller than the last one (we’re down a bedroom and a dining room), but it’s also a lot nicer. However, figuring out where the everything goes is trickier.

• The Embargo Age Is Over: Scholastic Begs People Not to Read Harry Potter, Sues Retailers — In a stupefying display of wtfness, Scholastic asks those lucky people to whom retailers have already delivered HP7 to not freaking open the packages. Don’t push the button; the button is bad.

• Anya Hindmarch: The Interview — Fashionista talks to Hindmarch about that damned — but very well intentioned — bag. Nice to see that Hindmarch is just as bemused about its success as I am. My favorite bit is in the comments where someone states that bags sold somewhere in London were put into plastic bags at the point of sale.

Last night, I went with a small group of friends out to Seven Grand after work. Only not so much, because Seven Grand was closed from a private party. (Dear 7G, please put a freaking calendar on your website.) The doorman suggested we try the Golden Gopher, owned by the same people. The Golden Gopher wasn’t opening until 8, and it was 7. So we pressed on to Broadway Bar. They were open. I hadn’t been there before, but I enjoyed it. Not so much with the beers on tap, but, at least, they had Stella…

Jodie Sweetin, our own little Stephanie Tanner, is off the meth. That’s rad. It is, however, a little disappointing that we did not get to witness a spectacular Natasha Lyonne-esque spiral. How rude.

So, The Growing Pains Movie reunion thing was successful enough to get a sequel. I vote that Full House gets one, too.

John Stamos will not want to sign on initially, but I think that ABC can sweeten (hi) the pot for him by promising never to make him to a third mostly-aborted season of Jake in Progress. Lori Loughlin, still high off her kinda sorta success of Summerland will decline taking part in the movie. Someone will inform her that the new CW doesn’t have room for shows with fortysomething protagonists; she will fail to book a gig replacing Felicity Huffman on Desperate Housewives, who will have sued totally successfully to be released from her contract. Bob Saget will appear contingent on foul language.

Premise:

• Stephanie Tanner is caught with meth. Borrowing a page from her older sister D.J.×?Ts classic playbook, Steph will claim she was just ×??holding×?? the meth, in order to mock the real meth users and to show them how dumb they look.
• D.J. ×?’ and special guest star Kirk Cameron as reformed/zombie Mike Seaver ×?’ will stage an intervention by teaching Steph the power of the Lord. You×?Tve got to let him into your life, man. Jesus saves.
• Steph will get off meth and start combing her pretty hair again by the third commercial break.
• Uncle Jesse and non-Uncle Joey will broadcast their radio show live from the set of Skating with Celebrities.
• Michelle bifurcates herself. Or clones herself. tbd. It×?Ts all a little scifi. Her spines glow red, too.
• Michelle 2 drops out of Stanford. Dude, they actually wanted her to, like, write papers? Who are these people? Don×?Tt they know she×?Ts the world×?Ts most awesome, bag ladyish plural entity?
• Mike Seaver×?Ts eighteen multiethnic children that he adopted with wife Kate will need lodgings in San Francisco since Mike wants to start a full time Christian rehab and spiritualism center for the drug addled denizens of the Castro. They will move into the Tanner family attic. This house is so full.
• D.J. and Mike, along with holy roller Steph, will successfully get Michelle 1 to eat. No one really cares about her all that much; she’s mostly a plot catalyst for
• The gang to get Michelle 2 to eat and get off the blow. She will take to carrying around ginormous fucking venti whatever drinks. They’ve got calories, shit.
• Kimmy Gibbler will drive a car through the kitchen window.
• Danny Tanner will exclaim, “Damn! That car went smack through the window of my very full house! No worries, I’ve got Xander on speed dial.” Fin.

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